This is just one of the ways that childhood pain leads to relationship trauma. When involved in relationships, someone with a traumatic childhood may unconsciously reenact old wounds (e.g., by consistently seeking partners who are similar to an abusive parent), and will thus re-traumatize themselves in each relationship. They may become the helpless partner, someone who unconsciously chooses to have no self or environmental control. They may feel the need to control their environments and their partners in order to feel less vulnerable. Such a person is less likely to be able to manage emotions and emotional responses easily. A person who is dealing with trauma is likely to have either weak or rigid boundaries instead of having “flexible and well-modulated” boundaries, thus creating a state of hypersensitivity to conflict or conflict-avoidance.
This occurs until the trauma has been made conscious and resolved through therapy or other means. How C hildhood Pain Leads to Relationship TraumaĪccording to Tian Dayton, Ph.D., author of “Heartwounds: The Impact of Unresolved Trauma and Grief on Relationships,” someone with unresolved trauma is likely to enter into a pattern of behavior in relationships that reenacts their history of abuse or neglect. They may appear out of touch, spaced-out or even cold and aloof. In the context of a relationship, someone with unresolved trauma may be most likely to dissociate whenever issues or feelings arise that are uncomfortable for them to bear, such as times of strain or conflict. Likely having a difficult time coping with what others perceive as ordinary life circumstances. Others may relive their stories of trauma and may be highly susceptible to anxiety and worry. They may spend a lot of time psychologically disconnected from the stress and anxiety of daily life. Those who have a history of trauma are likely to have dissociated from the events themselves. Dissociation is a sense of the world as a dreamlike or unreal place and may be accompanied by poor memory of specific events. Disassociation in People with Unresolved TraumaĪ complex mental process known as dissociation allows children and adults to cope with a traumatic experience. It is important to understand how childhood pain leads to relationship trauma. This may be troubling – or simply confusing – for their partner.
More anger or more fear may be present than one expects. When conflicts arise, a person with a traumatic past may react to the conflict with more feeling or emotional reactivity than the situation warrants. It is not uncommon to find such an individual afraid to trust, frightened of emotional intimacy, connecting and then withdrawing from a loved one, or perhaps clinging in a frightened, childlike manner, fearful of abandonment. A pattern of childhood neglect, emotional or physical abuse, or a story involving sexual molestation or rape creates difficulties for adults as they attempt to make long-term bonds in committed relationships. People with a history of childhood trauma often carry those issues unconsciously forward into adult relationships.